


the rain is always gonna come

by irrationalqueer



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF), dan and phil
Genre: Anxiety, Depression, Established Relationship, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, References to Depression
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-24
Updated: 2020-07-24
Packaged: 2021-03-04 23:20:13
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 630
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25494517
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/irrationalqueer/pseuds/irrationalqueer
Summary: They’ve been laying on the sofa for hours. The light coming in from the balcony has long since turned from bright to golden to dim, but Dan hasn’t moved an inch, and so neither has Phil.
Relationships: Dan Howell/Phil Lester
Comments: 24
Kudos: 70





	the rain is always gonna come

They’ve been laying on the sofa for hours. The light coming in from the balcony has long since turned from bright to golden to dim, but Dan hasn’t moved an inch, and so neither has Phil. What started as a full-on breakdown has simplified to just this – Phil holding Dan close, occasionally squeezing him closer whenever he starts to sniffle, or his breathing goes funny. The couch cushion will probably never recover from the combination of tears, snot, and garbage wine it’s had dribbled on it today, but Phil doesn’t seem to mind, and so Dan tries not to think about it. He’ll buy a cover for it or something, order it when Phil’s talking to his mum and surprise him with it. 

“You’re going to get through this, Dan,” Phil murmurs, and while the words themselves are simple and almost trite, there was a time when the pure sincerity in his voice would’ve had Dan crying again. “This isn’t forever.” Despite how difficult it is when he feels like this, Dan believes him.  
Phil’s just so sure. Back when it became clear that this wasn’t going anywhere, that Dan’s depression was a storm to be weathered rather than a fleeting issue of youth or circumstance, it felt more like Phil was begging him to be okay. Now, sometimes Dan thinks maybe Phil just wills Dan to be okay and he is. He’s grown so used to this, the ebb and flow of both of their moods, and he knows what works for Dan. Dan knows the same for him, after all – knows how to quiet the world for Phil when everything gets a bit too loud, too bright. But for all of the practice he’s had at it, Dan can never achieve the kind of steadfast certainty that Phil can. 

Dan sighs, rolling over so he can bury his face in Phil’s neck. Phil lets him, loosening and then tightening his arm again, giving Dan space and then embracing him just as tightly the next moment. They’ll have to get up soon; Phil’s probably hungry, or has to pee, or just wants to move to the bedroom rather than this couch they can barely fit on together. He won’t say a word though, not until Dan’s ready. The last time Phil had a panic attack, Dan sat with him on the kitchen floor until his breathing slowed, until the color returned to his face, ignoring the way their asses and legs had gone numb and the inevitable vertigo he’d had when he finally stood up again. 

He feels Phil nose gently into his hair, thankfully clean from the shower he’d forced Dan to take this morning when it became obvious the cloud over Dan’s head wasn’t going to disappear easily. Dan inhales, pressing a soft kiss at Phil’s neck, appreciating the pleased noise that rumbles gently from his throat. Phil’s hand strokes up Dan’s spine, sweeping across the length of his back, palm gently pressing to the nape of his neck and fingers twining in his hair. He feels small, but in a safe way; held, but not trapped. 

It's not the first time this has happened and it won’t be the last. Dan’s world will inevitably crumple again, no matter how badly he hopes otherwise. Phil will become overwhelmed by the speed of the world around him and the lack of time in the day to process it. But they’ll suffer numb limbs and stained cushions and vertigo and growling stomachs to get through it, and they’ll keep getting better at it. Dan’s sure of that even when he’s unsure of everything else.

They’ll have to move eventually, but for now, they lay in the dark, shadows dancing on the wall and just exist in the momentary peace.

**Author's Note:**

> title and inspiration from peace, by taylor swift. go listen to folklore; i promise it's incredible.
> 
> find me on tumblr at irrationalqueer.


End file.
